Dear Reader,
I would like to express to you the joys of eating a scrumptious, steamy chicken biscuit. Until that moment, I had not experienced such invigorating pleasures as that of the tenderly soft flesh, fried to perfection and sandwiched between two butter-laced pillows. To this day, I can still recall the exact second that my lips closed upon that little piece of heaven that could only be a gift from God himself. It was love at first bite.
My First Time
Sean, only having heard stories of the greatness of the chicken biscuits made the most noble move of his life when he one day decided to purchase one of these legendary snacks.
Sean: “My account number is 12083… I would like one chicken biscuit, please.”
20 seconds later…
CB: “Hello, I am Mr. Allen Chicken Biscuit. I am one of the most respected chicken biscuits in the land.”
Sean: “Oh hey I’m Sean. I just can’t wait to eat you Mr. Biscuit!”
CB: “Ah but you are not wise young grasshopper, although I smell of rich chicken, if you were to eat me it would certainly…”
Just then Sean took a hefty bite out of his new friend forever entering him into the world of chicken biscuits but unfortunately, killing Mr. Biscuit.
Sean: “This is the greatest moment in my life!”
The Recipe
1 cup of flour
2 tablespoons of salt
Cook/butter the biscuits
1 boneless chicken breast
Fry for 20 seconds
Add 1 gallon of perfection
Celebrating the Life of A. Chicken Biscuit
Allen Chicken Biscuit passed away on August 20, 2005, at 824 Stillwood Drive in Savannah, Georgia. Mr. Biscuit was born August 19, 2005 at the Chick-fil-a 7046 Abercorn Road in Savannah, Georgia. Among his most outstanding achievements was his victory as a general over the Baconaters of Wendy’s. He will also be remembered for the courage he showed leading his men from their small Chick-fil-a to the campus of Savannah Country Day. He attended the Food Institute of Technology where he received a degree in Tastiness. His hobbies included waterskiing, mountain biking and taking long walks with his wife, Buttered Biscuit. Both parents have passed away but his wife Buttered Biscuit and their own 4 pack of Chicken Minis (John, James, Jordan and Jenny), are all still alive and well. The funeral will take place at the church of That Trash Can Outside of the Bookstore. The burial will take place directly after the funeral at the church.
An Apology
To the family of Mr. Biscuit,
I sincerely apologize for your loss. In the short period of time in which I knew your beloved family member I knew him as a great man. Please do not label me with the title murderer, or killer, but rather just a really hungry boy. I am deeply saddened over what has happened. Your family and my friend will always have a place in my heart.
Sincerely,
Sean Spellman
A Final Goodbye
Goodbye, Goodbye
I met you, I ate you
You made me smile, I made you dead
Now you’re gone, and now I miss you
Goodbye, Goodbye
You were so happy, I was so hungry
You were a friend, I was a killer
Goodbye
To your steamy freshness
To how puffy you looked
To your shiny wrapper
And how you were perfectly cooked
Goodbye
10 comments:
Dear Mr. Spellman,
That spoke to my heart. haha, but seriously Sean, perfection! The personification of the chicken biscuit (Allen) in the script was wonderful. The 4 chicken minis was very clever and a great addition. and the poem, I liked how you made it deep about an object that is not deep, great! It's funny, I visit the church of That Trash Can Outside of the Bookstore on a regular basis. The only thing that I would suggest doing is that at the beginning of the script you just mention your number and say twenty seconds later. Maybe if you said how the bookstore lady replied or how you chose Allen it would be more descriptive! WAY TO GO!
this is the funniest thing ever! i loved the opituary you wrote about the biscuit. you put in a ton of sublime adjectives and it made the story interesting. i loved it!
This is soooo funny, i laughed like an idiot when i read this! I loved how in the recipe how you said it was a gallon of perfection. The peom was histarical, how you describe yourself as a killer was very in teresting, and you also used very good description through =out the paper. Congrats, on a paper well done!
Haha Sean that was very funny! It was actually pretty impressive that you could take something as simple as eating a chicken biscuit and make it into a good paper. I like how you personified the biscuit. Good job!
That is one of the funniest story I have heard in a long time... THe fact that you made the chicken bisket a person, I love it... I like the apologey or however you spell it... It was really cool ,and definatly the only person that could do that...
hey, your genres are really good. i read all of it, especially your poem is so good. it is really match to your work. expression and words are good. and so funny haha
Sean amazing job, this is one of the funniest story i heard so far, i like the obiturary, great now i am hungray, i love the recipe idea, i say that we make one now
Great use of interesting vocabulary, “scrumptious, steamy chicken biscuit,” and descriptive phrasing, “two butter-laced pillows.” I also like your sense of humor shown throughout the piece: “you are not wise young grasshopper…”
You really showed the action of buying the biscuit instead of just telling us about it. Very realistic. Consider readers who don’t go to our school, though, and provide some context for the id number.
The recipe isn’t working for me. I don’t see that it really adds anything to your story. Either add to it or try another genre to make it more meaningful and necessary.
I love all the specific details of addresses and phone numbers found in Allen’s obituary. I love Buttered Biscuit and the four-pack of Chicken Minis as well as the trashcan bit!! Tres clever!
I know you are dealing with limited subject matter, but I would like you to fill our your essay a bit more, either by adding more to what you’ve got or by adding more genres.
Thanks for amusing me!!
wow ...
interesting
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