Dear Reader,
I would like to express to you the joys of eating a scrumptious, steamy chicken biscuit. Until that moment, I had not experienced such invigorating pleasures as that of the tenderly soft flesh, fried to perfection and sandwiched between two butter-laced pillows. To this day, I can still recall the exact second that my lips closed upon that little piece of heaven that could only be a gift from God himself. It was love at first bite.
My First Time
Sean, only having heard stories of the greatness of the chicken biscuits made the most noble move of his life when he one day decided to purchase one of these legendary snacks.
Sean: “My account number is 12083… I would like one chicken biscuit, please.”
20 seconds later…
CB: “Hello, I am Mr. Allen Chicken Biscuit. I am one of the most respected chicken biscuits in the land.”
Sean: “Oh hey I’m Sean. I just can’t wait to eat you Mr. Biscuit!”
CB: “Ah but you are not wise young grasshopper, although I smell of rich chicken, if you were to eat me it would certainly…”
Just then Sean took a hefty bite out of his new friend forever entering him into the world of chicken biscuits but unfortunately, killing Mr. Biscuit.
Sean: “This is the greatest moment in my life!”
The Recipe
1 cup of flour
2 tablespoons of salt
Cook/butter the biscuits
1 boneless chicken breast
Fry for 20 seconds
Add 1 gallon of perfection
Celebrating the Life of A. Chicken Biscuit
Allen Chicken Biscuit passed away on August 20, 2005, at 824 Stillwood Drive in Savannah, Georgia. Mr. Biscuit was born August 19, 2005 at the Chick-fil-a 7046 Abercorn Road in Savannah, Georgia. Among his most outstanding achievements was his victory as a general over the Baconaters of Wendy’s. He will also be remembered for the courage he showed leading his men from their small Chick-fil-a to the campus of Savannah Country Day. He attended the Food Institute of Technology where he received a degree in Tastiness. His hobbies included waterskiing, mountain biking and taking long walks with his wife, Buttered Biscuit. Both parents have passed away but his wife Buttered Biscuit and their own 4 pack of Chicken Minis (John, James, Jordan and Jenny), are all still alive and well. The funeral will take place at the church of That Trash Can Outside of the Bookstore. The burial will take place directly after the funeral at the church.
An Apology
To the family of Mr. Biscuit,
I sincerely apologize for your loss. In the short period of time in which I knew your beloved family member I knew him as a great man. Please do not label me with the title murderer, or killer, but rather just a really hungry boy. I am deeply saddened over what has happened. Your family and my friend will always have a place in my heart.
Sincerely,
Sean Spellman
A Final Goodbye
Goodbye, Goodbye
I met you, I ate you
You made me smile, I made you dead
Now you’re gone, and now I miss you
Goodbye, Goodbye
You were so happy, I was so hungry
You were a friend, I was a killer
Goodbye
To your steamy freshness
To how puffy you looked
To your shiny wrapper
And how you were perfectly cooked
Goodbye
